Wheel of Fortune
Reverse: the quality of your involvement will be the measure of your reward.
As we sat in the kitchen and talked (well she talked) I learned that she lived with her mother and father, and two siblings. She moved here from out of state, her dad had gotten a new job. She had no pets, which stunned me; I couldn't live without my darlings.
And then inevitably the conversation turned to me. My likes and dislikes, favorite foods and movies. The mundane things. The normal things.
The things I haven’t talked about in years…
We made small talk for what seemed like hours, but must have only been 30 minutes or so. I couldn’t decide whether I was fascinated by her lack of distain for me, or if I was just amused with human contact, like my addiction to Dylan’s attention. When her voice became inquisitive I looked up to her worried face, had my wound re-opened?
“Huh?” I said as I tilted my head slightly, and touched my still closed gash.
“I asked if you wanted to go to the mall with me Saturday. Would you like to?” I felt my eyes go wide; I think I even gasped a little. She jumped from her chair and looked as if she were worried that I was going to faint. “You okay?” She sounded very worried, and I guess since a tear was starting its trip down my cheek she had reason to be.
“Really?” It was a chocked murmur from my mouth but she heard me. She sat back down carefully, as if still ready to jump to my aid.
“Of course, why not? It’d be fun!” She smiled and I found myself with my head on my arms on the table. She again jumped from her seat, as I could hear the chair scratch across the floor. Her hand was on my shoulder, surely deciding whether to shake me or not. But she didn’t shake me, instead left her hand there, as she felt the tremors ripple through my back from my sobbing.
I was so happy!
After several moments I whipped my cheeks, and looked back to her. “You okay?” She asked again, and I just managed to choke out a few words. I was about to repeat them, sure she didn’t understand. But she had, she smiled and responded.
“You’re welcome.”
I felt the urge to hug her, for some un-godly reason that I couldn’t place, but didn’t. Instead I just smiled back, a little smile, but still a smile. I smiled to another person. No forcing, no necessary politeness.
I smiled.
~ ~ ~
She eventually-inevitably-had to leave, we said our good-byes, and from the door I watched her walk down the drive way until I could no longer see her. Only as I walked up the stairs did I think about the consequences of this forming “friendship”. What if she ended up like all the others in my pitiful life? What if she ended up dead?
The thought froze me mid-way up the steps.
I felt the inclination to start crying again, but the tears didn’t come this time. So instead I managed to make it to the couch, and started shaking. Should I just cut her out like everyone else? Or should I risk her life for my own momentary happiness? How could I? Should I warn her? Should I just leave this place? Or just never go to school or answer my door? Find a new job?
What was I supposed to do?!
I needed help; I needed someone to make these decisions for me. I needed someone, anyone to help me. I couldn’t ask Dylan, what if he didn’t know of her yet, and was going to let her live. What would happen then if I told him of her kindness, and invitation for me?
I sat there the rest of the night into early morning thinking this all through. When dawn broke I still had no conclusion, and was far too tired to go to school, not that I wished to go back. And so instead I fed the animals, cleaned their cages quickly, then went into my room and collapsed on my bed.
I slept until noon.
When I awoke I took a shower, and put on my work uniform, knowing I had to work this afternoon since I hadn’t yesterday. When I was going into the kitchen to make myself lunch (well technically breakfast) I noticed a movement on the couch in the living room. I turned quickly, but not quick enough, as Dylan was in front of me already. His mismatched eyes were staring intently down at me, and his usual crooked smile wasn’t present. At first I thought that maybe he was just being his strange self, but then yesterday’s worries dredged themselves up to the surface of my thoughts again.
Was she dead?
